Title: Seventeen

Artist: Winger

Album: Winger

Year Released: 1988

What It Is: Lolita, kind of, told in a hard rock (I can’t for the life of me call it metal, not with how the rest of the album is) style by dudes with perfect hair and teeth.

Riffage / Hookage: The saving grace for this song is the guitar riff. Sorry Mr, Winger, er…Kip, your vocals and bass playing ain’t the reason I paid the money for this. It was that riff.

Cowbell?: The drum sound is very 80’s hollow semi-electronic (I bet it was – the sound is just like that) and there’s no room for cowbell.

Words Of Wisdom: “And just when I thought she was comin’ to my door
She whispered sweet and brought me to the floor,
She said I’m only seventeen, but I’ll show you love like you’ve never seen
She’s only seventeen, daddy says she’s too young,
but she’s old enough for me”

Not with my daughter, you don’t! Mostly because you’re lame and play wussy ‘metal’ that is calculated for the hearts and minds of those that are wanna-bes. (Well, except this song and “Madalaine” – those are OK.) Especially for what you all did to “Purple Haze”. Instead of statutory rape, how about desecration of a national landmark?

Mixology Report: Sure, within reason. Like for people who appreciate some good 80’s camp. And those without daughters.

Top Five Genius Results: “Round & Round” – Ratt
“Turn Up The Radio” – Autograph
“Shake Me” – Cinderella
“Up All Night” – Slaughter
“Still Of The Night” – Whitesnake

Yes, I have all of those songs in my collection. Am I proud? Um…yeah sure why not.

For The Good Of The Order: Kip would have issues with this babe in these states: Arizona, California, Delaware, Florida, Idaho, North Dakota, Oregon, Tennessee, Virginia, Wisconsin and Wyoming. He may have issues in Utah, depending on if he was 28 or younger when he wrote this song.

Oh, why not…the vid…